personal growth
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“I’ve gotten used to wanting to force everything”
I spent years trying to force everything—success, healing, art, meaning. Now I’m beginning to wonder if flow is something you stop interrupting. Continue reading
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“The sketches aren’t finished. Neither am I.”
I sat down with my reMarkable Pro and started writing by hand again. The sketches weren’t finished—and honestly, neither am I. Continue reading
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“I think I’m finally coming online”
I spent years assuming I was built to be rejected. Looking back now, I realize my self-image was far harsher than reality. Continue reading
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“I was surviving, not living”
📓 Thursday, May 14, 2026 — 7:25 p.m. 💬 Question What’s a moment where you realized you were surviving… but not really living? ⸻ I am sitting in my dimly lit studio. Only the standing light to my right on. Set to 20%. ⸻ Alien videos on YouTube. Si No Te Hubieras Ido by Maná… Continue reading
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“I never realized I didn’t know how to love myself”
📓 Thursday, May 14, 2026 — 5:37 p.m. 💬 Question What’s a moment where you realized someone loved you… but didn’t really know how to show it correctly? ⸻ I’ve tried in the past to write in a way that sounded entertaining enough to read. Because I never saw myself as a “real writer.” ⸻… Continue reading
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“I think I’m starting to love my life”
📓 Thursday, May 14, 2026 — 4:51 p.m. 💬 Question What’s something about yourself that you used to hate… but now you’re starting to understand differently? Today, I decided to deal with depression differently. Stay home. Write. ⸻ As a kid, I never remember thinking: “I hate this about myself.” “I hate that about myself.”… Continue reading
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“I’m glad I tried”
My family has never been stable. But for one night, we went to the movies together—and that ended up meaning more than I expected. Continue reading
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“She asked me out… and I said no”
She asked me out. I said no. Not because I didn’t want to—but because I didn’t believe she could actually want me. Continue reading
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“Better. Not Perfect.”
Follow me on X: @punisherpapi · IG: https://www.instagram.com/punisherpapi?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr 📓 Sunday, March 1, 2026 — 7:11 p.m. Forgetting how you used to be. But never disrespect yourself for that version you once thought was “bad.” It was just a version learning in the dark. 2019. CSULB. Sitting in the waiting room for my first session with the school psychologist.… Continue reading
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“What My Cat Taught Me About Self-Judgment”
Follow me on X: @punisherpapi · IG: @punisherpapi 📓 Wednesday, February 25, 2026 — 10:01 p.m.Failure has haunted me. It’s been the answer to a question I never asked. Today I took my cat to the veterinarian. He has dealt with feline herpes, and I made the decision to take him off his medication. He seemed fine to… Continue reading