Some days feel colder than others.
📓 Saturday, April 25, 2026 — 8:06 p.m.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
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When I was a kid, I used to look at older people…
gray hair…
and think:
“They must be wise.”
I couldn’t wait to get there.
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I’m here now.
And I don’t feel wise.
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I feel like I’m still figuring it out.
And that frustrates me.
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I remember graduating high school.
1.32 GPA.
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I felt it back then.
That feeling.
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Cold.
Like something heavy dropping on my back.
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“No future.”
That’s what it felt like.
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And yesterday…
it came back.
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My cat got sick.
Because of a flea.
A flea.
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I forgot to give him his medication.
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5 a.m. emergency visit.
$212 just to be seen.
$1600 if I stayed.
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I waited for the regular vet.
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“His liver is irritated.”
“Did you give him flea medication?”
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“No.”
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I laughed it off.
At least I tried to.
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But when I got home…
and saw him still struggling…
even with the medication…
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that feeling came back.
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That same cold drop.
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And my mind went there.
Fast.
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“You’re not where you’re supposed to be.”
“You messed up your life.”
“You’re behind.”
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Sitting there in my chair…
I felt it again.
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All of it.
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Not being an artist yet.
Not having a family.
Still living in my parents’ garage.
Selling plastic bags.
Feeling alone.
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1 a.m.
He throws up again.
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Water this time.
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And I just sat there thinking:
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How did I get here?
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💬 Reader question
Have you ever felt that moment… where everything hits you at once?
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If this felt real… I write moments like this.
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