Man… this used to be my biggest fear.
Still is, a little. But back then? I’d rather fail the class than stand in front of an audience.
In high school I had a speech class. I always had my speeches finished. I’d write them, practice them at home, rehearse the whole thing. But the moment the teacher said, “Roberto, your turn,” I’d panic. I’d slip the paper under the binder and say, “I didn’t finish it.”
Lie after lie. Fear after fear.
I chose failing over feeling that terror.
Years later, I was maybe 20 or 21. My dad had an old AstroVan. I was in the back half-asleep when he said, “You ain’t doing shit with your life. Why don’t you try acting? We live in L.A.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I just said, “Alright, fuck it.”
I wasn’t trying to be an actor.
I was trying to get over the fear.
I took an acting class. I was the only Hispanic dude from South Central. Everybody else looked like they came from nice neighborhoods, with real dreams of becoming actors. I felt inferior. Out of place. But I stayed.
The teacher gave us this bowl filled with tiny slips of paper. We each had to pick one and write our own monologue based on whatever we got. Mine said “little boy.”
So I wrote about a little boy talking to his passed-away grandmother — mine — the woman I loved deeply. I wrote it from my heart, memorized it while working at the hotel, pushing roll-away beds, grabbing dirty linen, repeating lines under my breath between floors. I promised myself I would do it.
Then the day came.
I went up there, and everything turned black. Not just the auditorium — my mind. Even the lit parts looked dark. My whole body was shaking. But I did the monologue. And when I finished, I said, “I’m done,” because I felt like I messed up.
The teacher snapped at me: “Stop doing that!”
I looked up…
and when the lights lifted a little, I saw people crying.
That moment taught me something I never forgot:
It’s not about sounding perfect.
It’s not about confidence.
It’s not even about believing in yourself.
It’s about being honest.
About letting your voice be personal.
About being okay with sucking, because if you keep going…
you won’t suck forever.
That’s how I learned fear doesn’t disappear —
you just walk through it until your voice becomes yours.
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